i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
