She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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