so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize