Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
