She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
