he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
