I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
