Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
