So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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