Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
