that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
