Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
