help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just tell him i said nine months
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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