i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
vagina is talking i cant
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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