In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
