We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
