He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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