That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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