HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
