I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
