last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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