Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
