Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize