listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
