Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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