recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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