Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
