oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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