Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
