i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I would fuck him just for his dog
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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