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oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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