My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
