the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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