I think I died a long time ago.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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