You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
