Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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