im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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