I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
