I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
