Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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