Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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