so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Every concussion has its silver lining
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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