she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
