Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
