I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
