Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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