No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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