I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
