No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
