I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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