Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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