Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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