Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
