I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
