i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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