Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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