just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
