My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is my gift to your gina
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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