Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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