$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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