I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
