I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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