why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
