ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
