I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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