okay pat passed out under dana's car
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
