Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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