..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
