I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize