Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
