I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
