Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
