Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
