using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am mentally ready for anal.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
