Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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