umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
