Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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