no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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