I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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