I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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