Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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