She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
