My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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