I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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