yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
