I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
