I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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