you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
