Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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