I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
