too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As shirtless as possible
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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