there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
