Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
