fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize