If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
