i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
