Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
