I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
