Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
