Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
