we're chasing vodka with high fives
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My penis needs a shock collar
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
