The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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