Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There are leaves in my underwear?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
