Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize