i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
