and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
