your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
