She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
