omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
