he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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