dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
