Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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