I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize